12 Steps to Mario: A True Story

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Above is the Mario onesie I made for my husband. Here’s a real-life how to…

Step 1: Think you can achieve anything in a short time period.

Step 2: Tell a friend that ‘yes I’ll make you one too for the same party – I can achieve anything’.

Step 3: Buy material, ensuring you purchase extra in case you need it (enough to blanket a house fire).

Step 4: Find a onesie pattern in a sewing store. See that the one you want is actually sold out.

Step 5: Find the fourth best pattern that isn’t quite a onesie but a lion costume…’at’ll do.

Step 6: Spend an entire evening cutting out the pattern, making the first mistake of cutting out two right arms.

Step 7: It’s all about layering, make sure you organise the overall straps and their detailing first and get frustrated because one long piece has to be in two due to the colour change. Ensure you get all your hopes up when it looks good laid out on the carpet with some pins. By now your weekend has passed.

Step 8: Start sewing and wait for your machine to break once and realise one setting won’t work anymore. Breathe slowly with violent outbursts as your sanity wears away over the next few days; and all you see is the colours blue and red to the point you dread heading home from work.

Step 9: By now you should have made two more trips to the sewing store because you forgot about buttons and cuff material.

Step 10: Weep.

Step 11: Put on Kill Bill so you have a violent outlet while you thrash the machine for the last leg and pray to all deities that it will fit.

Step 12: You’re DONE! The sky is bluer, songs sound sweeter and you begin to appreciate life again. And with three days left to spare until the party!
…Now you can start on your friend’s. FUCK!

Worth it! Especially seeing how happy my husband and mate were with the results. Fist bump with the air and a big flip of the bird to my argumentative sewing machine ☺️

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