Here’s the thing – I relatively enjoy the zombie craze. Dawn of the Dead was the first zombie film I saw (sorry I missed out on the Resident Evil bandwagon) and it scared the living piss out of me. I think we all feel differently about one of my favourite songs ‘When The Man Comes Around’ by the Cash man.
Anyway, I saw that movie, thought it was amazing. From memory the next one that stands out was I Am Legend. Jesus Christ I could’ve gone my whole life without watching his dog go zombie. Heartbreaking and terrifying.
After that came Zombieland. I was ridiculously excited and my god was it fabulous; and of course manically funny with the perfect cast. And adding Bill Murray – yes… just yes.
Now it was about this time that I realised I cannot physically watch zombie flicks anymore – why – because they give me killer nightmares. Shockers; gut wrenching, existence-questioning nightmares. They’re awful.
Yet now I’m pissed because I can’t watch the Walking Dead. The zombie genre is one that I just can’t enjoy because I know I’m in for a mental foetal position that night.
An obsessed friend said, ‘please, just watch it, it’s soooooo good’. So I did. I sat down with her, willing myself not to hold her hand to channel her boldness and we watched the first two episodes of the first season. It was great. Gory, frightening, a thickening plot, my mind thinking ‘oh god, fuck waking up to that’. And I left her house positive I was going to watch the whole series and be the best theoretical zombie killer ever. That night all I dreamt was fingers coming through the hospital doors labelled ‘don’t open, dead inside’. I wish there was an emoticon to show my mental state when I woke up. I suppose it’d be akin to Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’.
So I decided the best choice for my brain was not to watch these things anymore.
However – a breakthrough. I picked up the book Warm Bodies, an endearing, sweet and comical romp with heavy references to Romeo and Juliet. I loved its simplicity and modern comedy and finished it in three hours.
Then I watched the movie. I won tickets to the opening night and just so the universe could probe me some more, there were people dressed as zombies staggering around the theatre before it started. And to really drill it home, one particularly heavy breathing, broad shouldered one limped to the back row and sat next to me, ‘lifelessly’ contemplating the chair in front of him. I had to contain myself from stabbing him in the forehead with the heel of my shoe. Regardless of the initial ‘are you serious’ moment, the movie started and it was pleasing from start to finish. Nice and simple, bit of gore, sarcastic, one-liner humour and a promising ending.
The best part – no bloody nightmares!!!! I was shocked and excited for this new zombie loving me.
So now I figure I’m a zombie wuss. I need the post war part where they get better, not the apocalyptic madness that makes me want to cut myself.
Bring on the cure!