This week has been a disheartening one. Nothing I can personally complain over – in fact the opposite. Two different people close to our family passed away this week.
One was simply an old man, but an old man who despite suffering a terrible amount of grief in his past as well as a shocking and serious case of short term memory loss, remained to be a sweet and kind gentleman.
The other was a man not so much older than my father, who was an interesting and flawed character with a good heart hidden away. His death all happened in a day without warning. Ironically he only said goodbye to one of his own friends not even 10 days ago.
I sometimes have an eery sense about life around me. It usually revolves around the contact with my mother. When she calls, I’ll know when there is something wrong versus when there isn’t. I had been waiting for a fortnight (in of which she calls me many times) for that ‘bad news’ call, which of course finally came in the form of the sudden death of her friend mentioned above. After this news I felt the other one coming – and only 2 days later does my Nanna call (who lives with my parents) to tell me of the death of the old gentleman who is her brother in law from a long time ago. Regardless of the small degrees of separation I have with these people, I couldn’t help shedding a few tears. Loss is something I haven’t quite had to endure. My cat passed away a couple of years ago and that was incredibly difficult. However I haven’t lost a friend or family member. I tried to think about the word to describe the feeling I had for this non-grief. My mind draws a blank, but the feeling slams me right back to when I was a child. Probably because those people saw me as a child. I was their friend’s daughter and their friend’s granddaughter. So the only word I had was ‘sad’. Sad for my family members who knew them and obviously sad for those directly affected by the deceased. I know when we learn to write, or should I say write better, we are encouraged to not use words like good, bad, happy, sad, scared; that we should tap into the real feeling and appropriate description for the character and scene. Yet this isn’t a scene, this is real life and what felt like a little hint as to what kind of loss I am yet to experience. And I am humbled back into my initial understanding of emotions. These deaths have made me question life, not necessarily for the negative, but a reminder that life is short and not fair to some in unusual ways. So I am sad.
But not without hope.
I watched the following video on Youtube which is sweeping cyberspace at the moment. I encourage you to take the 25 minutes out of your day to do the same. It made my bitter week that little bit sweeter.